Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Weird Mom's Foil Circus

Alcoa doesn't have a lot of ideas for May celebrations (unless you consider wrapping some aluminum foil around a Mother's Day bouquet to be innovative). That means we're dipping into the "Kid's Korner" section of 401 Party and Holiday Ideas from Alcoa (1977) for this month's offering.

The kids are sure to be excited when you whip up a foil version of some entertainment so old-fashioned that it is disappearing...

That's right! The aluminum circus can come to a tabletop near you!

The denizens range from the kind of adorable but bound to be disastrous...

Stand back, penguins! No matter how adorable Sadie the foil seal may be, she's bound to get hungry and snap you up! the poignant and plaintive...

Is it weird that I feel bad even for a foil elephant forced to balance on a big ball? That tiny fake smile glued too far down on Elsie Elephant's trunk isn't fooling anyone. At least she's shiny enough that she gets her revenge on the camera to give it blurry exposure, if nothing else. the eccentric...

Yeah, Ophelia the Ostrich may look extravagant with her long neck, elaborate eyelashes, and poofy feathers, but I'm really trying to figure out why Pedro Panda is holding a duckling on a string like some kind of deranged balloon. Is he trying to train for Macy's Thanksgiving parade and totally misunderstanding the scale of the balloon animals? the clueless...

Dilly and Dally must trust Linus Lion a LOT if they're not even looking at him. (And Dally's hat is so big that it might slip and cover his eyes before the trick is even over!) Meanwhile, Linus looks skeptically at the super-low hoop and thinks it will be better to attack Dilly first, as Dally will be easier to take out. the downright creepy...

Yes, clowns are always creepy, but there's something about this family that makes me think "infestation" more than "family." Can you imagine opening a kitchen cupboard, only to spot those blank, starry eyes staring up at you for a split second before the group scrabbles through the tiny hole in the back you never noticed before?

It's definitely time to call Dale's Dead Bug.

Or maybe just call Captain Spaulding. He's quick with a gun, and I'm sure he'd be happy to take out some lesser clowns, though you'll have to deal with the extra holes in your wall. (Don't click unless you're ready for some good old-fashioned Rob Zombie unpleasantness including plenty of blood and profanity.)

I can't decide whether I'm sad or glad that I can barely remember the 1970s if kids were routinely presented with homemade scenes like this one. In any case, maybe that means my therapy bills are just a little lower than they might have been....


  1. Hee!

    1. Pretty good, but it's missing my favorite Dale moment, when he's negotiating with police:
      Dale Gribble: Too late. I killed Shackleford!
      [the police gasp]
      Dale Gribble: No, no, correction - Shackleford wants a pizza.

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