Some Christmas recipes that should stay in the past

Are you ready to consume Christmas food like a consumer? Consumers Power Company hoped so when they sent out Christmas Recipes 1972.

The booklet only has a few pages of recipes, but because I care, I still managed to put together a holiday menu just for us!

Since it's the holidays, I've got to show off the punch bowl, so we will start with Sea Foam Lime Punch. 

I picked it mostly because I've never seen a punch recipe meant for a festive get-together that included Gatorade among its ingredients. Not sure I want to consider the implications of using it... I mean, am I supposed to assume something will make the guests dehydrated? What kind of Christmas gathering is this? I'm also not really sold on a punch with puréed bananas. They're fine for a smoothie, but the vision of Gatorade topped with a slimy brown banana film after setting out for a while is not nearly as cozy as visions of sugarplums.

Let's just move on to the salad course. You just know it's going to be Jell-O-based if I'm in charge. Will it be a sweet dessert-y confection that relies on a stray lettuce leaf so it's allowed to masquerade as a salad? Nope.

It starts with cherry gelatin, but then it's flavored with catsup and veggified with celery, olives, and peas. At least it calls for frozen peas rather than canned, so it could be worse!

And if you feel like this is missing a little something (by which I mean mayonnaise, which made its way into SO MANY gelatin molds), I've got a special blend to top your salad.

Granted, I despise mayo no matter what, but I doubt that too many mayonnaise lovers really pine for a heaping helping of almond paste blended into their beloved spread.

And now some Christmas sandwiches for the main course. What do you think that might involve? Sandwiches with sliced tomato and lettuce or basil on top, for some red and green? Maybe something involving pickle and pimento loaf? 

How about broiled bologna (or ham) and cheese salad topped with cranberry jelly cutouts? Bet you didn't see that one coming. And the nice thing is that the "Sandwiches may be arranged around the rim of a large plate and decorated with a green bow to resemble a wreath." (Maybe that would be convincing if you have a LOT of imagination and only a vague sense of what a wreath looks like?)

Okay, I'll end with something minty to help get the taste of everything else out of your mouth. I'm not a monster.

I could see this almost as being a clickbait recipe now: Three-Ingredient Christmas Cookies! (if you don't count the sprinkle of sugar)! And if you don't like them, at least they will melt away quickly.

Okay, fine. One last palate cleanser.

Santa with a pinecone beard was just too cute not to share! I love old pictures of crafts that look like they were constructed by an actual human being, down to their scraggly pompons and wandering googly eyes. Here's hoping your holiday season (or just December) is as full of charm as this little guy. (And a lot LESS full of ketchup-y gelatin than this menu.)