Thursday, July 25, 2013

I love watching bad movies-- the ones that are so bad they're good because the acting, special effects, etc. are laughable. Last weekend I watched Beginning of the End and loved seeing the grasshoppers "attack" Chicago. It was great because in one scene, they were very clearly attacking a photograph of Chicago-- not even a tiny model! One started climbing on the sky, just in case the scene's lack of a third dimension wasn't obvious enough.

I wonder if you can see why I started thinking of bad acting when I spotted this picture in my Better Homes and Gardens Make-Ahead Cook Book (copyright 1971, although mine is from the 1973 fourth printing).

I hope you spotted it, but if you give up-- those are the least convincing fake grill lines I've ever seen in my life (and I have eaten frozen dinners with grill lines that were obviously drawn on at the end of the production line). For one thing, they're not quite parallel or evenly spaced. Close, but not close enough to to seem genuine. For another, the meat looks way too wet to get grill marks, and it doesn't look as if the sauce is on top of them as it would be if it were added after grilling. The color doesn't seem right either. It's as if someone had a cheap black marker and drew the grill lines on the photo of the ham. The lines have that same weak purplish-black tint that I remember from washable markers of my childhood.

This should win an award for least convincing impersonation of a grilled item.

Should you want to see if you can make better grill marks on this recipe, here it is:

I know some people love sweets on their ham, so I won't disparage it too much. I'm sure it sounds delicious to somebody-- especially somebody who hasn't seen the picture.

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