Saturday, October 13, 2018

Not the Dutch apple pie you're imagining

Checking out Top Value Favorites (Top Value & TV Travel Employees for United Way Campaign, 1982), I saw the name Apple Pot Pie and wondered what made it pot pie. Apple pie isn't exactly an unusual dessert, so what would make it pot pie? Chunks of chicken and some peas and carrots?

Then I realized that this is a Pennsylvania Dutch style boiled pot pie that I complained about as a bait-and-switch earlier. If you ever want a whole menu of soggy boiled dishes that will disappoint diners waiting for crisp, golden-brown crusts, this recipe will complete the suite I started with the earlier post. Yay?

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Swappin' in cottage cheese

I know Greek yogurt is the currently fashionable high-protein dairy snack, but I secretly prefer the salty, tangy goodness of its old-fashioned counterpart to its chokingly-sour contemporary. That means I'm more predisposed to be charitable with the offerings of this little booklet than a lot of you might be. (Who knows, though? Cottage cheese is making a comeback!)

Swappin' Good Recipes Featuring Cottage Cheese (Home Economics Department of the American Dairy Association, undated, but Michigan State University Library's Alan and Shirley Broker Sliker Culinary Collection estimates it as 1955 and offers a full scan of the booklet here) features charming, blocky, needlework-style flowers, a cow, a tree, and a girl on the cover. The cow looks like it's getting ready to deliver a fresh, steaming cowpat, but the girl is smiling because she's not downwind. Although the cover promises the recipes are "Fittin' for clippin'," I'm not always so sure about it.

This booklet has the expected last-of-the-pantry main dishes, including this one featuring canned tuna and mushrooms mixed with cottage cheese and the ubiquitous, greasy chow mein noodles (mixed with rice this time, for variety).

My real favorite section is the salad chapter, though. Here is another proof of my conviction that the only word that should ever precede "mousse" is "chocolate."

Even better is the fact that a lot of the salad recipes have pictures. We have a representative of the "ring of one kind of food filled with another kind of food" genre.

Even as a cottage cheese fan, I can't say I've ever had much of a craving for cottage cheese mixed with cucumber and green pepper, then dumped over tomato juice aspic. (Given the red and green theme, I'm a bit surprised this isn't being marketed as a Christmas salad. I guess there's not enough sugar.)

Then there's the always-popular mound of shiny pinkish slime model:

The shrimp is already paired with cocktail sauce, plus cottage cheese and sour cream, all in a creamy, slithery gel. Talk about convenience!

Some salads (like the Cottage Cheese Asparagus Mousse?) must not have been very photogenic, as the salad photo page had to fill space by including some pictures of salads without any recipe at all.

Apparently even the American Dairy Association couldn't convince itself that anyone actually wanted a recipe to combine canned pear halves and green pepper rings with a big mound of cottage cheese, so nobody wrote one. The picture looked better than the alternative possibilities, though, so someone slapped this salad together. Enjoy! (That mousse must look ghastly!)

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Funny Name: Lingering Aromas Edition

Even though it's got "potpourri" in the name, I don't think leaving this concoction from Favorite Recipes of Jaycee Wives Meats Edition Including Seafood and Poultry (1966) out in the family room would be a good way to temper its funk:

Seafood Potpourri is not a highly-requested Yankee candle scent, either.... Go figure.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Gourmet for fuzzballs

I guess the picture for the October 1977 cover of Gourmet could maybe qualify as Halloweeny if you squint and try to imagine Château Margaux in Bordeaux as a spooky old mansion, but it mostly looks like a building on a college campus to me. I imagine someone inside giving lessons on Chinese Civilization rather than ghosts dancing a stately waltz or trying to force somebody into a guillotine.

Oh, well. I guess I'll force this issue to be Halloween-appropriate by posting a recipe my little black cat would approve of.

You might not think pastry strips would seem particularly appealing to a cat, but mine is a carbophile. He will steal bread crusts if we're not looking.

He'd be even more excited about the filling, though.

Anchovies! (The cut-off part of the directions says to bake for 25 minutes, cool on a rack for 15 minutes, then cut into 10 strips and serve them warm.)

I could almost see David Letterman dumping a plateful of these into a trick-or-treater's bag and the kid would shoot him a "You've gotta be kidding" look.

Whether you'd be excited to find Anchovy Pastry Strips in your Halloween treats depends on how you feel about anchovies. My cat would think he'd hit the jackpot!

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Funny Name: Can you be more specific? Edition

Whenever I see this title from Cook Book (Derby Sisters of Rebekah Lodge #908, 1975) I imagine Margaret Worthington submitting her recipe for "Salad" and the editor asks her if she can give it a catchier title. "Fine," sighs Margaret, as she hands over this new title:

Yes! It's SEVEN THING SALAD! Put things in it! All seven of them! It will be a salad! Made of seven things! (Maybe you're not nearly as amused as I am, but this is killing me.)

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Big dreams for dried herbs

I often make fun of old cookbooks for printing recipes almost devoid of seasonings (such as "chili" that is clearly just misnamed vegetable soup), but spices did exist, even in mid-20th-century America.

Spices of the World Cookbook by McCormick (Mary Collins, copyright 1964, 1976 reprint) unsurprisingly makes sure there's plenty of seasoning in every recipe. Some of them are quite sophisticated.

I know I'd never find Truffled Chicken Breasts Elégante in a church potluck cookbook.

Sometimes it seems like the recipes are trying a little too hard, though. This one splits the difference between "Elégante" and church potluck cookbook for a wholly unnatural concoction:

Has anyone ever really thought the best use for champagne is to make it into a gelatin topped with a second gelatin consisting of spiced cream cheese, canned pineapple, and limeade?

My favorite feature of the book might just be its overselling the virtues of dried herbs. Yes, dried herbs can be a great addition to soups, stews, and other juicy, long-cooking dishes. If herbs are an important component of something with a short cook, though, maybe McCormick's dried versions aren't the best bet...

Of course, diners might think of these Herb-Broiled Sandwiches as grilled cheese with bacon and tomato, so they might not really notice the dusty dried-herb flavor.

If you offer a Cheese Omelette aux Herbes, however...

...well, diners will definitely expect fresh herbs-- not a teaspoon of dried parsley flakes and another of Season-All (seasoned salt). Sorry, McCormick, but an Omellete aux Herbes is not exactly something you can deliver.

I'll finish today's post with a dessert. If you're excited about the prospect of Rum Buns, though, remember the book.

You're not getting any rum in Rum Buns-- just some powdered sugar mixed with a bottle of rum extract and dumped liberally over and on some hot roll mix.

I've got to appreciate this book for encouraging more seasoning in its mostly-salt-and-pepper time, but just like synthetic fabrics didn't make '60s models into astronauts, a teaspoon of dried parsley doesn't make eggs into an omelette aux fines herbes. Both notions would make me laugh 50-some years later, though.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Funny Name: Not Good at Gambling Edition

I've heard of having money to burn, but this is ridiculous:

(Happiness Is Homemade, Prairie Du Chien Jaycettes, 1978/79)

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Top Value Recipes in a Low Value Menu

Sorry, but we have to crank up The Human League and bust out the E.T. toys. This week, we're getting a little more current than usual with Top Value Favorites (Top Value & TV Travel Employees for United Way Campaign) from 1982.

Yes, this is another one of those irresistible community cookbooks with tons and tons of recipes from home cooks. Today I'm going with the totally incompatible menu theme, so let's get started with an appetizer that will bear no relation to what is to come:

You may also notice that Pizza Go Rounds bear no real relation to pizza, unless your idea of pizza involves slices of rye party bread topped with a blob of a sausage, Velveeta, and "ketsup" mixture.

Maybe we should cleanse our palates before the main course with a salad.

Or should I say "salad," since this concoction of sugar, cream cheese, grated carrot, and pineapple is essentially a carrot cake in gelatin form? (Hey, at least it will probably taste all right!)

No community cookbook tour would be complete without a dip into some international specialty that would be recognized by no one from the region it supposedly represents (if anyone can even figure out what that region might be). That means our next course has to be an Oriental Sandwich.

I just want to note that I am NOT responsible for the title of this mixture of cream of mushroom soup, turkey, celery, water chestnuts, and onions slathered on hot dog buns and then broiled. (I guess the soy sauce and optional water chestnuts make this "oriental"?)

In case the courses so far haven't been enough to give you indigestion, it's time for dessert...

...which is basically buttercream icing mixed with raw eggs, then dumped into a pie shell and topped with bananas, canned pineapple, and Cool Whip. "Supreme Dessert" indeed.

I think maybe I'd stick to a second helping of "salad."

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Funny Name: Burn Unit Edition

The title of this recipe from The Twentieth Century Club Cookbook (The Twentieth Century Club of Newark, OH, 1977) made me think of a memorable wedding reception when I was a kid. The bridesmaids had to wear dresses with really pouffy sleeves, and there was suddenly quite a commotion when one of them stood just a little too close to a candle.

Flaming Gertrude Sauce has nothing to do with especially flammable bridesmaids, though. It's just extra sweet and fatty Hershey fudge sauce with a little orange flavoring and enough rum to light it up! It's not recommended for wedding receptions, but if the bride chooses to flaunt convention, she should keep all pouffy sleeves out of the immediate vicinity...

Since our theme is a risk of third-degree burns, here's a bonus funny name recipe from the same page:

Lick the skillet if you must, but I'd recommend letting it cool down first! No point in getting flaming lips.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

What a crock!

In case there was any doubt that I am a vintage kitchen nerd, my favorite part of Crockery Cookery (Mable Hoffman, 1975) may have been the pages and pages of pictures, reviews, and temperature charts for old crockery cookers at the beginning of the book. (Now I want a Dominion Crock-A-Dial just because I love the name.)

The recipes tended to be pretty standard, though, like the stew on the cover. There's nothing too surprising about beef with carrots, onions, potatoes, and celery.

As is the case with nearly any appliance-based cookbook, this did have its fair share of recipes that could have been better and/or made just as easily (maybe more easily) without slow-cooking.

You might be thinking that stuffed squash makes sense in a slow cooker, but the recipe isn't for a hard winter squash. Sure, you could cook pattypan in salted water for 6-7 hours, but since we're talking about a summer squash, you could also just boil it for about 10 minutes (and probably have it taste a whole lot fresher). Then maybe stuff it with something that's not frozen creamed peas.

Hoffman was clearly one of those cooks who LOVED canned fruit with meat. Turn to the "Beef," "Other Meats," and "Poultry" chapters, and you'll find several variations of the featured protein coated in canned fruit cocktail or peaches. I was especially impressed with the Golden Glow Pork Chops for taking the canned fruit play to a new level.

Apparently, the canned peach halves aren't enough to give those pork chops the warm hues they so desperately needed. This one features canned peach halves mixed with a can of tomato sauce.

Of course, one of the best things about slow cooking is coming home to that divine smell, so the book found a way around that advantage too. Just imagine coming home to the smell of...

Hot, soggy tuna-egg salad rolls! Everyone will be thrilled... when the dry heaves subside.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Funny Name: Cowboy(?) Edition

Looking at the title of this recipe from from New The Grange Desserts Cookbook (Favorite Recipes of the Grange Members, 1973), I was half-afraid it would be for a buttermilk, onion, and garlic-flavored dessert.

Nope! This is one of those baked puddings, based on brown sugar and biscuit mix and flavored with dates or raisins and nuts. Not sure where the ranch came in, but I imagine it is part of the mid-twentieth-century obsession with the west and dude ranches. Cowboys must love their raisins!

R.I.P. Burt Reynolds, inspiration for Turd Ferguson.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

The secret skull and other imaginary spooky "Gourmet" themes

My favorite thing about the cover of the September 1977 issue of Gourmet is that the composition of the photo from Seville kind of reminds me of a skull. This allows me to imagine the magazine is already hinting at Halloween, something I adore, rather than simply trying to sell plane tickets and high-end liquor.

I didn't expect to see my imagined Halloween theme continued in the magazine. (I'll be shocked if even the October issue explicitly mentions the humble holiday.) However, the Gourmet Menus theme for the month, late-summer luncheons, let me continue to pretend the issue is secretly Halloweeny:

Whole fish oozing pink and yellowish goop, staring out with their dead eyes? A gelatinous blob ready to engulf anything in its path? It's an embarrassment of riches. Heck, the serving utensils are practically a machete and a pitchfork!

The playful tablecloth may be trying to hide it, but I'm calling this a Halloween preview!

The fish follow the popular fish-stuffed-with-other-fish theme:

The blob is a cucumber gelatin. It's high-class because it uses unflavored gelatin and food coloring rather than lime Jell-O.

This issue of Gourmet makes me happy the only way Gourmet ever makes me happy-- unintentionally. If you're not a Halloween freak and you don't like my pushing it into early-September recipes, though, I'll leave you with a picture from their more summery-looking menu, which stars Boeuf à la Mode en Gelée on the same bright tablecloth.

Yep, it's a whole aspic garden filled with tiny carrot and turnip flowers growing in rows of sliced beef "soil," with onions and green beans growing in the central plot. Apparently even Gourmet can occasionally be playful. (The recipe goes on for MILES, though, and I am too lazy to even try to copy it for you. Suffice it to say that you need a lot of patience and the better part of a day to make this disk of jellied meat and veg.)

Happy September! Go cut some carrots into flowers or carve an early jack-o-lantern.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Funny Name: Frumious Edition

This recipe from Two Hundred Tasty Treats (Christian Women's Fellowship, Southside Christian Church, Muncie, IN, ca. 1960) sounds like the kind of dinner a mother Jabberwock makes to warn her kids about assholes brandishing vorpal swords.

"Eat up your galumpies, kids! They're severed galumpher fingers cooked in a lovely blood sauce. You've got to take them out before they take you out!" (Nobody tell them it's just stuffed cabbage rolls, or they'll lose interest.)

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Cocktail Hour

It's still damn hot! Maybe I should bust out a blender recipe book to fix us some cool "treats."

Electric Blender Recipes (Mabel Stegnar, 1952) has plenty of oddities to encourage homemakers to think a new blender will do absolutely anything.

Need some shampoo?

Why not grind up leftover bar soap with hot water? (I'm clearly too squeamish for the '50s if I'm bothered by the thought of eating food out of a container that had just been used to process gunky scraps of well-used bar soap!)

I was most drawn to the recipes that I tend to expect to see in blender books, the ones for smooth soups and beverages.

The next recipe makes me shudder only because I know how my mind works. If I came across a nice bowl of lightly pinkish yogurt in the fridge, I'd probably think it was a blended peach yogurt and scoop out a dish for dessert, maybe throwing a bit of Great Grains Double Pecan cereal on top for crunch.

And then I'd find out the yogurt was actually flavored with shrimp and cucumber....

Yeah, I'm used to sweet yogurt, so this book would make me extremely skeptical of any yogurt-based concoction in the fridge.

Hopefully I'd smell the onion soon enough to realize this wasn't strawberry yogurt!

In fact, the "cocktails," the precursors to today's green smoothies, are my favorites. I'm not sure anyone was exactly clamoring for a celery cocktail.

Well maybe the Fifth Doctor, but I have my doubts. He may hold the sensible view that celery should be strictly decorative.

The book also supposed there was great interest in battery acid grapefruit juice mixed with random vegetables for a "refreshing" beverage.

Or, for those who found simple vegetable + fruit juice combinations too conventional, there's this alternative:

Yay! The Beet Sauerkraut Cocktail. (Beets taste like dirty sugar and I hate sauerkraut!)

I've spared you a few of their less-creative ideas, as you've already seen the old cottage cheese cocktail, raw-egg-and-orange-juice vitamin drink, and the ever-famous raw liver + chocolate milk trick. Be grateful for that.