Kraft on the Tee Vee!

Fun fact: Tomorrow is the 73rd anniversary of the day "Kraft joined the television pioneers and began sponsoring a weekly dramatic program called the Kraft Television Theatre." (You can find one of the most popular shows-- screenplay by Rod Serling! Shown twice in 1955, even though the performances were live!-- here. If you just want the Kraft content, there's coffee icing at 21:53 and a bunch of things to do with Cheez Whiz at 43:34, plus a margarine commercial at 58:11.) Today's selection, The Greatest Food Show in the Land (Kraft, 1982, though mine is a 1983 printing) is a little newer than I usually go, but I wanted to honor Kraft's achievements as a television pioneer.

Or maybe I'm just a sucker for books with "FOOD SHOW" in Hollywood lights on the cover.

My favorite bits might be the testimonials to the power of Kraft that pop up throughout the book. One note insists a "typical [Kraft viewer] comment is, 'I've always enjoyed your recipes, but the best thing is knowing they come to our kitchen from yours. They are beautiful, delicious, and the best because you can't beat Kraft products.'" Those sentences certainly sound like something a real person (not someone made up in an executive's mind!) would say, don't they? Who among us has not wandered around mumbling about how meaningful it is that giant food corporations so selflessly send recipes from their kitchens to ours?

The recipes themselves often give me the sense less that they were carefully crafted and more that the recipe writers took a pile of random foodstuffs and wondered how quickly they could slap it all together before moving on to a new pile.

Maybe they can get away with appetizer tidbits.

After all, meatballs and cocktail franks were common appetizers. Why not toss them together so there's something for everybody? And if serving Li'l Smokies in grape jelly was common, why not simmer the meatballs and franks in pineapple, green peppers, and water chestnuts? They could pretend to be vaguely Hawaiian or something.

And salads can be just about anything, right?

I'll admit that mandarin oranges and avocado might be fine together, or mushrooms and avocado, but I think the Californians are crazy if they put all three together with onion rings and Catalina dressing. (Of course, Californians might have felt like suing Kraft for defamation when they found out the company claimed this is what they ate...)

For the even more saladventurous, there's Safari Salad.

Who doesn't want onion rings on their melon balls? Right?

Maybe we should finish off the app and salads with a nice sandwich. Ready for something healthy?

I guess the whole wheat bread and alfalfa sprouts are supposed to make this concoction of canned pineapple, mayo, pecans, onion, and American cheese healthy somehow?

If you feel that the recipes just kept getting curiouser and curiouser, you can also check out Kraft Television Theatre's Alice in Wonderland. Happy anniversary to the Kraft broadcasts, even if I'm not entirely sure the recipes are ready for their closeups.