Surprise! Christmas "sweets" that aren't

Old copies of Better Homes and Gardens used to have little tear-out sheets of recipes that could be added to their big, binder-style cookbooks. Today's sheet from the December 1937 issue stowed away somewhere until it found me, so I scanned it just for you. For December, it offers up a "winter salads" section. The front of the page has cute little jiggly "Christmas Salad" stars that look like they might be a Jell-O encased fruit salad.

No such luck, though. The lemon Jell-O might look like a red flavor, but that's just because it's colored with beet juice! Add vinegar, diced beets and cucumbers, a bit of minced onion, and plenty of horseradish, and those little stars will be an unpleasant surprise for any midwestern kid who is used to "salad" being a code word for dessert when Jell-O is involved. Merry Christmas!

The reverse side gives you a green mold to pair with the red. (Well, it's gray in the picture, but I assume it would be green in real life.)

All those grapes and cherries in the middle probably make you think sweet, right? Well, not so much....

The lemon Jell-O gets filled out with equal parts mayonnaise, avocado, and whipped cream... So maybe weirdly green mayo, without an herbaceous flavor one might expect? Or maybe overly goopy avocado? In any case, it's sure to distract you from noticing that the cherries and grapes have been marinated in French dressing until after you've put some on your plate and know you can't dump them back... At least, not while anyone else is watching. 

Maybe this is a holiday spread for somebody who wishes every day were April Fool's Day? Hopefully the guests will know enough to watch out for tricks...

Bust out the gelatin! It's Christmastime!

I ran into a LOT of Christmassy recipes in the past year, so looks like December will be a whole month of them. I originally posted about Marye Dahnke's Salad Book (1954) in the summer because of course I think of salads in the summer, but the book also includes a bunch of salads that seem holiday-ready (and of course loaded with Jell-O since there's always room for it-- even at a big holiday feast).

Some, I've just decided to call holiday-themed because of their color schemes. Tomato Aspic in Green Peppers is an easy one-- red inside of green!

Plus, you get to garnish slices of aspic-filled pepper with American cheese before serving-- easy to cut it into holiday shapes using tiny cookie cutters to be even more in the holiday style. (Nothing is classier than a star-shaped Kraft single sinking into tomato glop.)

If you want to get a little crazier with the flavors but stick to the red-and-green color scheme, the Cream Cheese Cucumber Ring might be for you. 

Okay, the gelatin might be only barely green, since it's mostly cream cheese and the only green part will be grated cucumber. You can always throw in a little green food coloring if you want. The real trick is that the onion-and-cucumber flavored cream cheese gelatin is topped with canned pear halves dyed bright red by cinnamon candies. Top with mayonnaise or salad dressing for a real(ly confusing) holiday "treat."

The book includes plenty of explicitly holiday salads too, though. I thought Poinsettia Salad might be one of those mostly-sweet gelatin salads topped with a marshmallow cut into a flower-ish shape and dipped in red sugar, but I was wrong.

It's tomatoes cut "into 5 sections, poinsettia fashion" (which sounds pretty difficult) and filled with cream-cheese-and-mayonnaise gelatin cubes. (Dahnke must have really liked an excuse to just straight-up eat blocks of mayonnaisey cream cheese. I might be close to agreeing if it weren't for the mayo!)

There's also a Holiday Salad swapping out the cream cheese for avocado if you feel like being just a little more health-conscious.

And it's easier to make because you don't have to try to pretend the tomatoes are flowers-- just slice 'em up for garnish!-- and you don't have to cut the gelatin into little cubes. (You do have to be able to unmold it, though, so maybe not as easy as you'd hope....)

The Holiday Luncheon Plate is supposedly good enough to make "Santa Claus himself... stop to sample this handsome mold." (I can't say as I'd ever think to call a Jell-O mold "handsome," but the '50s were a weird time.)

I have to admit this predominantly fruity version sounds much more palatable than anything so far (especially if you swap out the mayo for yogurt), but it BETTER be good-- 12 to 16 servings is a lot.

The Christmas Buffet Mold is a smaller and more simplified version-- you just have to be willing to forego cream cheese and gnaw on the occasional wood chip bit of diced celery to enjoy this one.

I hope you enjoyed this little trip to the past, when pretty much any occasion-- Christmas! Easter! Presidents' Day! Washday! Thursday!-- called for a big plate of food suspended in some reconstituted powder derived from collagen. 

One last look at "Cooking by the Calendar"

The December chapter of Cooking by the Calendar (1978) lets me know what editor Marilyn Hansen saw as the most fun part of the season: imbibing. 

The "Holiday Drinks" section has all manner of options for the adults (plus a few kid-safe ones). Along with the expected eggnog and mulled wines, there's a Malikihiki Mai Tai Punch for those who are spending their holidays in the tropics or-- more likely-- simply wishing they were. 

The "Gifts from the Kitchen" section also recommends giving the gift of social lubricant for the family-togetherness-heavy holidays.

You just have to be the plan-ahead type, as Vanilla-Coffee Liqueur takes a couple weeks to mellow. 

If you have a family of tea-totalers, you still have some gift options, like Winter Strawberries.

I'm not exactly sure who the target audience for strawberry-shaped wads of walnuts and coconut held together with strawberry gelatin and sweetened condensed milk is. Kids won't like the nuts. Grownups will think it's overly sweet. Maybe this is just supposed to be decorative?

And speaking of decorative, if your holiday party won't feel complete without some sort of food-related arts-and-crafts project, the book recommends a Holiday Sandwich Tree.

Guests can choose between sandwiches with a corned-beef-cottage-cheese-horseradish filling or a chicken-spread-water-chestnuts-ground-ginger filling, as long as corners are dipped in mayo and then parsley to resemble evergreen branches. (Or you can just sprinkle the whole thing with chopped parsley if you're running late!) If your guests aren't big on canned meat, the tree might remain a nice, intact centerpiece for hours. And maybe somebody else will host the big holiday party next year.

Whether you're in the holiday spirit or not, I hope December brings you something better than winter strawberries. That's it for Cooking by the Calendar! We'll see what the next year has to bring....

Funny name: That Again?! Edition

I have a feeling some home economics teachers thought getting cute with the name would help them get rid of leftovers, as this recipe from Quick and Easy Dishes (Favorite Recipes of Home Economics Teachers, 1978 edition) suggests.

I'm not so sure their families were psyched about "Repeat Meat," but at least they tried. (Better than mystery meat, I suppose!)

Some alternatives to pumpkin pie

Tired of pumpkin pie every goddamn Thanksgiving? Easy Homemade Desserts That Say You Care (Thank You brand pie filling, undated, but looks like it's from the 1980s) has some suggestions.

Yeah, I know the cover makes it look like all of them would involve cherries, but there are plenty of other types of recipes too! Cherries were probably just the brand's best seller.

If you really like the pop of red, maybe go for some cranberries rather than cherries.

Well, cranberries plus apples-- and oats, brown sugar, and cinnamon! This will definitely feel like fall, even without the pumpkin. 

If you insist on the pumpkin but are apprehensive about the pie part, there's a pumpkin parfait.

It doesn't get much easier than layering pumpkin pie filling straight out of the can with scoops of vanilla ice cream. (Reminder: Canned pumpkin pie filling is NOT the same thing as pure canned pumpkin! Layering plain canned pumpkin with ice cream would probably be pretty gross.)

If you're not so into a heavy dessert after a heavy meal, there's an airy Apple Angel Pie.

(I'll bet you could sub in the pumpkin pie filling for the apple if you wanted. Or maybe you'd end up with a runny mess. I'm no psychic... or ambitious cook.)

And finally, if you want something resembling an apple-and-cheese pie without the bother of rolling out a crust, you could try Apple Cheese Squares.

I don't see too many recipes calling for a pat-in-pan cake-mix-based crust, covered with a layer of cheesy apples. (And I sincerely doubt that using the "lite" apple pie filling is going to save a substantial amount of calories in a dessert filled with cake mix, butter, coconut, and cheese, but I guess Thank You had to advertise that they made "lite" fillings somewhere, and this recipe was as good a place as any.)

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope yours is as weird as an Apple Cheese Square (if you're like me and enjoy weird) or as sweet as a Pumpkin Parfait (if you're the more conventional type).

A pocket full of Thanksgiving... and maybe giblets...

Thanksgiving is coming! The Pocket Cook Book (Elizabeth Woody with Gertrude Lynn and Peg Heffernan, originally published in 1942, but mine is the 1960 edition) has a few recommendations.

First, here's a recipe for Thanksgiving day proper. Maybe you're tired of using the same old stuffing/ dressing year after year. If you need something new, try good old-fashioned Bacon and Oatmeal Stuffing.

This kind of sounds like it could be a 1980s recipe-- some weird little scheme to "negate" the saturated fat and cholesterol in the bacon by serving it up in a mound of oats. (I guess it would have been oat bran if this were really from the '80s, though. We all know oat bran was magic.)

If you're more worried about using up the leftovers, here's a way to disguise the leftover turkey.

I guess Devilled Mock Drumsticks are meant to make the leftover turkey seem more like leftover chicken? But hey, they are deep fried, so that will make them go down easier. (I'm not sure how many people would bother with the wooden skewers and paper frills, though.)

And if you're never sure what to do with the giblets, turn them into Giblet Scrapple Squares!

If you make the mold ahead of time, you could fry up slices for breakfast to quell any turkey cravings until the big dinner. Or maybe they could be a unique side dish. Or, if you're like me and not so good on follow-through, you could just say you have plans for the giblets, put them in the fridge, forget about them until you start to wonder what stinks, and then throw them out. It's a lot less work.

Whatever your holiday plans, I hope they don't stink like rotten giblets!

Nothing but Bundts

I knew Bundt pans became popular in the 1960s, but I didn't realize that they remained popular long enough for Pillsbury to publish 100 New Bundt Ideas in 1977.

Unrelated, but this is also one of the few items in my collection with a barcode!

In any case, Bundt pans were primarily popular for making cakes, so let's get away from the decadence associated with the pan and make a healthy menu that would require either owning a bundle of Bundt pans or making a lot of stuff ahead of time and washing the pan over and over again. 

First, you need a healthy main dish. How about some omgega-3 fatty acids in a Dill-Sauced Salmon Ring?

I'm sure no one will be alarmed to see the Bundt pan out of the cupboard-- a pan best known for the "Tunnel of Fudge" cake-- and smell fish. Well, fish and overcooked peas. But won't that big wet pink lump look lovely under its dilly icing? Sorry, sauce!

Especially if it's put on a glass plate surrounded by very thin lemon slices and backlit so it looks like the whole thing is glowing? (You really gotta sell this one to get the family interested.)

And of course, you need some veggies to go with the salmon loaf. It's easy to demonstrate you've used a Bundt pan to prep the veggies if you use enough gelatin.

This big wet pinkish lump is Gazpacho Salad.

To avoid big wet pink blob overload, let's turn our attention to a necessary component of any real 1970s meal: the bread! In keeping with my theme, we're going with Sunflower Health Bread.

Honestly, I think I'd just skip the raisins if I made this recipe and eat a slice or two of bread slathered in butter for my dinner. Forget the salmon loaf and gazpacho! (I'm permanently scarred by gazpacho anyway. When I was in grad school and we were all trying to pretend to be sophisticated adults and invite each other over for dinner, pretty much everybody made gazpacho because it wasn't expensive and it seemed fancy. Plus you could turn cheap wine into sangria and have an easy theme that would also get everyone tipsy while still pretending we were cultured individuals! I can't stand vinegar or raw onions or tomatoes and was trying SOOO hard to be a reasonable grownup that I choked down at least a few bites of gazpacho at so many parties... Can barely even look at recipes for it now.)

Anyway, on to dessert. Yes, I guess we can actually use the Bundt pan for its boring, usual purpose: to make a cake. We just have to add bits o' zucchini so it will fit our "healthy" theme. 

Good luck figuring out what to replace the Pillsbury Coconut Pecan or Coconut Almond Frosting Mix with, though. (Actually-- I could find recipes to replace the pecan version, like this one on Food.com. I imagine you could just swap out almonds for the pecans if you really wanted the almond version.) Of course, this cake is really zucchini bread, but it's ring-shaped, so no one will be confused by a non-Bundt-shaped foodstuff in your Bundt-based banquet. We couldn't have that!

I may be amused by the kitchenware trends of yesteryear, but at least home cooks in 1977 didn't have to add another app to their phones to get the new appliance to work, and then try to figure out why it wasn't connecting-- and then get it to shut up and leave them alone once everything was set up. Nobody needs the oven to beg for a new accessory at 3 a.m. (Not that I have personal experience with this-- I started to feel exhausted just from Googling "trendy kitchen appliances 2025" when I was trying to decide what fad to put in the previous sentence. It seems like they all require at least as much work to set them up as it will take to use them. Progress!)