It's a Trap!

Hey, modern girls! Are you trying to develop those cooking skills while you're working in the office until you can land Mr. Right?

If you answered "No," then Jody Cameron Malis is still happy to ignore you in The Office Cookbook (1971).

I think this book was supposed to be at least kind of liberating, aimed at "working women" to help them save up money by making their own lunches in the office on a hot plate or electric skillet rather than ordering out.

While the book has plenty of (awful) standalone recipes, by far the most interesting part of the book is the beginning, with full menus that suggest a slightly different kind of story.

A lot of them suggest the reader is... well... less than devoted to her job.

And even on days when she's not hungover, she can't be particularly good at her job:

Here's a hint: If they already think your typing is lousy, filling the office with the smell of fish and eggs (and commercially canned zucchini? I didn't even realize that was a thing, but apparently it is) is not the way to get the boss-- or anybody else, for that matter-- to think you're a real asset to the company.

Before you get too overconfident about any aspect of yourself, though, remember that you suck at everything, even cooking.

Another tip: If your idea of cooking is heating up a can of beef chow mein and dumping it over instant rice, they will totally know you can't cook.

Maybe it's best just to forget about the work and concentrate on the men:

I am not sure how dumping a can of chicken into a can of Spanish rice is supposed to trap anyone, even if you're clever enough to sprinkle it with a bit of Parmesan and surround it with olives. Noting the serving size, I realize Jody Cameron Malis is not all that convinced this ploy will work either. Nobody's going to want to share, not even the dumbest office bachelor.

This is somehow simultaneously one of the funniest and saddest books in my collection. I love it so much it hurts.