Recipes that are so "appetizing" they're sure to slenderize

Okay, maybe you intended to stick to those resolutions, and they kind of went by the wayside once you discovered Brookie-O Oreos. Maybe that was further complicated by the fact that Dunkaroos are available in snack pack, cereal, and refrigerated cookie form AND you can get them delivered direct to your door. Appetizing Slenderizing Recipes (Patrick J. Conway and Mary Ellen Pittenger, 1974) is here to get you back on track! (Well, not really, because 1000 calories a day isn't a good limit for an adult human being, and losing 20 pounds in a month is not something you should try to do. But you should have picked up on my sarcasm anyway....)

No more Dunkaroo breakfasts! Back to bran muffins.

I'm not sure why these are billed as bran muffins when they're mostly apple and egg, with only as much bran as a plain slice of whole wheat bread naturally has. (Or use the white bread with cinnamon and nutmeg variant for "bran muffins" with zero bran!) If a grated apple mixed with breadcrumbs and an egg sounds austere, rejoice because you can have butter on that!

Sorry, I meant "butter." I can't imagine that unflavored gelatin with butter flavoring and a bit of dry milk powder has all that many calories in it, so the emphasis that it should "be used in SMALL amounts" is probably meant to protect dieters from realizing just how sad it tastes rather than from any excess calories.

If you want some soup for lunch, Cream of Asparagus is an option.

And yes, by "cream" the recipe means cauliflower pureed in skim milk (without fake butter flavoring, even!), and by "asparagus" it means the kind from a can. 

If that sounds a little too grim, there's always taco salad.

Well, not really taco salad so much as "Taco Teaser," meaning you better be okay with your taco meat being mixed with a can of green beans and homemade diet "ketchip" consisting mostly of tomato juice, vinegar, artificial sweetener, and the ever-present unflavored gelatin.

The taco recipe is technically dinner-sized, but I'll bet you could limit yourself to a smaller lunch-size serving without much trouble. Supplement it with some midday chips if you feel naughty.

Yes, you'll think you're eating popcorn, peanuts, or potato chips (Those all seem pretty interchangeable anyway, right? I know if I were blindfolded I'd have no idea whether something was a peanut or a potato chip...) when you toss handfuls of dehydrated canned mushrooms into your mouth.

And for dinner, let's double down on green beans substituted for the more protein-and-fiber-rich pulses like black or pinto beans that are banned in this diet without explanation. End the day with some Chili Tomorrow.

Hope you planned ahead, or this chili packed with celery and canned green beans in tomato juice won't be ready. It's got to be refrigerated overnight so you can skim off all the fat from the ground round before serving.

Maybe it's best to just skip straight to dessert.

I'm sure that sauerkraut flavored with coconut extract and chocolate Alba milk powder is indistinguishable from coconut-based cookies. 

Of course, it's easy to be sure when I would refuse to eat either one of those things... Those of you who like actual macaroons are invited to try this recipe and get back to me. I'll be busy trying to recreate P. B. Max out of peanut butter, melted chocolate, and McVitie's Milk Chocolate Digestives since the best discontinued sweets didn't come back the way Dunkaroos did.