Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Cookier cookies and creepy dolls

McCall's Cookie Collection (1965) promises a lot of cookies:

Cookies with character! (They won't steal your silverware when you're asleep.)

Cookies that keep! (Keep what? I hope they keep pet squares of chocolate. If they keep pet ants, I'd throw them out....)

Cookies in a hurry! (I wonder where they have to go. If it's to the meeting with HR, they shouldn't rush too much. It's usually just a pointless PowerPoint.)

Cookies that carry and cookies that pack! (I'm really hoping this is not code for armed cookies. I don't want cookies trying to shoot me.)

Cookies that capture the imagination! (They've already succeeded....)

Cookies that Grandma never made! (I'll bet she had her reasons.)

Even "Cookier Cookies for Goodier Giving"! (Grammatically challenged cookies, apparently.)

Since we might need some extra goodies to give, what are the "cookier cookies"?

Apparently, they are very brown cookies. We have a basket full of very brown stars, and a pitcher full of cartoonishly- outlined  shapes.

Some of the outlined cookies hang on the pine garland above the pitcher so we can admire at them. I get the reindeer hanging on the pine garland. The flower may be pushing it a bit, but maybe it's a poinsettia? I'm at a loss as to how a rooster shitting a football is Christmas-themed, but the '60s were a crazy time.

The "cookier cookies" in this case are Moravian Spice Cookies and Cinnamon Stars:

Moravian Spice Cookies live up to the name, filled with ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice, cloves, and molasses.

The Cinnamon Stars, unsurprisingly, pack some cinnamon.

I'm not sure what makes these cookies "cookier," but I found another spicy holiday cookie recipe that makes the holidays just a little bit creepier.

Betsy McCall's Ginger Cut-Out Cookies have a secret ingredient besides the ginger, nutmeg, and molasses. The little italicized references to photos a-e give you a hint about the real break-out star: Betsy McCall herself.

Betsy McCall is a dead-eyed doll who likes to shame the brown sugar and butter by making them watch as she mixes up a dough that calls for shortening and granulated sugar. "You'll never be good enough for my cookies," she whispers at them as she mixes.

Then she rolls out the dough as she gazes off into the distance, fondly remembering the time that she just used the rolling pin to bash the hell out of the dough until mommy burst into tears and insisted that she roll it out "right." She'll do it right this time, but only because mommy is watching.

Still forcing the brown sugar and butter to watch, Betsy cuts the dough into long, skinny shapes that will burn easily. She can hear it screaming as she cuts.

Since she's obviously too short to reach the oven handle, Betsy uses her telekinetic powers to force the cookies into the hot oven. She cackles with glee as they react to the scorching heat.

Finally, she covers her trophies with glue so they will stay with her forever. Enormous, sloppy Christmas trees, weirdly stretched Halloween cats, it's all the same to Betsy. She just knows that her creations will serve her in this life and the next....

Happy holidays! Now I'm going to do some baking WITHOUT Betsy's help.


  1. This is the best thing I've ever read! Betsy probably has closet full of cookie "skin" suits

    1. It puts the icing on the skin or else it gets the pin again....