The alternate title was "Feed Me, or I'll Eat Every Non-Food Item in the House (and I Still Might)"

I loved the supposedly child-friendly healthy '70s recipes in Vicki Lansky's other book, so I was excited when I finally tracked down the more well-known Feed Me I'm Yours (first printing in 1974, though mine is from a 1984 printing).

The kids on the cover are determined to eat things they're not supposed to-- dog food, a houseplant, their own feet. They inspire the feeling that I have when I see real children: I'm glad I don't have to deal with that! 

And man, I know the illustrator (Pat Seitz) is trying to go for cute with the pictures, but I think they're some of the derpiest looking kids ever.

Great job, kid. You can barely walk and you've managed to dump two boxes of cereal everywhere. But what kind of offspring should we expect from a parent who would dress you up like a sailor?

Aside from the ugly-ass kids, the book is full of "recipes" are really just suggestions about ways to serve food to kids and indoctrinate them into the dubious joys of 1970s food fads.

You've got to have some cottage cheese and Jell-O, of course.

Bonus points for the Dream Whip! I guess what makes this toddler-friendly is that the Jell-O is "either 1/2 jelled or simply sprinkled on," whatever that might mean.

We need some deviled eggs.

Just add raisin faces! Egg yolk, mayo, and raisins has to be the yummiest combo ever, I'm sure.

And sure, busy parents probably didn't have time to go the full Frankfurter Spectacular route, but they could at least approximate it with some canned crushed pineapple and hot dogs.

This one also kind of makes me wonder if Lansky secretly hated kids as much as I do. Even I know you're not really supposed to give toddlers hot dogs unless they're all mushed up. (The hot dogs I mean. Don't mush up toddlers unless you want to go to jail.)

The book also has the ever-popular "healthy" "treats." If the kid wants brownies, make Nutritious Brownies.

The '70s health food powerhouses wheat germ and powdered milk make these super-nutritious, I guess. At least they're not carob brownies.

And if the kid wants cookies for breakfast, make Bacon 'n Egg Cookies!

Whether bacon with Grape-Nuts and orange juice concentrate sounds like a great cookie combo is again, something for the reader to contemplate. The popularity of bacon-y desserts makes me think this one could get a following, especially since the egg is just used in its normal cookie capacity as a binder. I was a little afraid that this recipe would try to incorporate chunks of hard boiled eggs considering that the word egg is right in the title!

I will admit that this book has at least one actually good recipe, though. My mom had this book. I copied the English Muffins recipe as a teenager and still use it now! So if you want a tested and approved recipe, try this sometime.

Okay, full disclosure: I'm lazy, so I halve the recipe and put the ingredients into my bread machine on the dough setting, so I really only have to do steps 7-12. Hey-- the recipe is adaptable! And now that I've got an actual copy of the book, I'm even happier that I don't have to make English muffins the hard way while supervising a passel of derpy kids trying to play in the flour and eat dead bugs off the windowsill. I'll take any win I can get.