Some Sheboygan fun with crackers and canned goods

I learned a few things about Sheboygan from Sheboygan Memorial Medical Center Volunteer Cookbook (undated, but looks 1970s-ish). 

First and foremost, I learned that Sheboygan is in Wisconsin. I always assumed it was in Michigan for some reason. You're here for the recipes, though-- not the revelations about how ignorant I am of geography. (Well, maybe you are here for the revelations about how ignorant I am! That does seem to be a major theme here...)

I learned that if you want a snack in Sheboygan, it comes on crackers. You just better not ask what the snack actually is (aside from the crackers). 

You just might find out that "snack" is Sheboyganese for "random mixture of condiments."

I learned that chili is definitively NOT spicy in Sheboygan. It's got no seasoning unless you count onions, whatever flavors are in Campbell's tomato soup, and...

...whatever seasonings are in canned Franco American spaghetti (in tomato sauce with cheese). In short, Sheboygan chili tastes like sweet, bland, mushy canned spaghetti. With kidney beans.

And speaking of sweet, the final thing I learned about Sheboygan is that they really like sweet salads. Or maybe I mean they like really sweet salads. I'm used to the basic Jell-O, Cool/Dream Whip, dairy fat "salads" that can claim the title because somebody threw a bit of canned fruit in there. In Sheboygan, though, they will turn an old-fashioned Halloween treat into a salad:

Simple Taffy Apple Salad features brown sugar, mini marshmallows, and Cool Whip. And it's still not as sweet as the Super Orange Salad!

I love that this mixes already-sweet frozen orange juice concentrate with syrupy-thick sweetened condensed milk. I think the airiness of the Cool Whip may actually tame the sweetness a little! At least the Ritz-crackers-and-butter crust should also help counterbalance the sweet, this time with a pop of salt. (The presence of a crust should also make people wonder whether this is actually a pie, but hey-- this is a salad! It says so right in the title! That means there's still space for dessert.) It looks like dessert and salad may have been the only bright spots in Sheboygan menus anyway....