With a name like Smucker's, it's got to be... Smuckered

I love stuff that was self-consciously old-timey even when it was new, and that's why I picked up Smucker's Cookbook (J. M. Smucker Company, 1976). 

I mean, just look at it! Big wooden utensils! Milk in a glass bottle! Peanuts on a balance scale! The little embossing dough wheel that I can't find a good name for even though I tried to Google it! So, yes, I had to get this book for the cover alone. Well, that and the promise of getting recipes with Smucker's products where they don't belong.

You know, like putting caramel on the parsnips.

I knew this book would be a major source of the fruit-and-meat concoctions that seem popular with much of the rest of humanity, even if I can't stand them. I found a lot of the usual suspects: pork with apple jelly, ham with pineapple preserves, etc. I expected to run into some odder options too because Smuckers had a whole book to fill, but I didn't expect to see variety meats. Usually, product-specific books try to cram products that don't really belong into recipes that are already popular. They don't bother with stuff that's not that popular to start with. To my surprise, the book has not just one recipe for beef tongue...

...but two!

Whether you prefer your tongue with currants or with blackberry sauce, Smucker's is ready to deliver!

The book still had weird recipes for more popular dishes too, like meatballs. Cheese Hide-a-Ways may sound like pretty run-of-the-mill cheese-stuffed meatballs, but remember-- they're from Smucker's.

That means the meatball has to be seasoned with orange marmalade and served in an American cheese, sour cream, brown sugar, and marmalade sauce. Yep-- double orange marmalade and double cheese-- both inside and out!

The weirdest recipe, though, just might be for burgers, or to be more specific, the unsettlingly-named Crusty Grape Burgers.

The burgers aren't really burgers-- more like mini-meatloaves since the meat mixture is full of the bread crumbs, egg, and condiments typical of a meatloaf and pressed into custard cups for a little pre-baking. Then the partially-cooked burgers/ loaves get glazed with grape jelly and baked under a layer of corn muffin batter. That's where the "crusty" comes from (not, say, crispy edges from being smashed on a hot griddle). So, if you like grape jelly on your corn muffins and always wondered whether that would be a good base for a meatloaf sandwich, this is the recipe for you! Smucker's suspected somebody somewhere might be asking for this. Meanwhile, I kind of wonder if there was actually more of a constituency for fruity beef tongues or parsnips with sundae topping.